Pronouns in E-mail

We all use pronouns (he/she/his/her/him...) when we refer to someone. We often don't even think about it. Based on someone's clothing, haircut, name or voice, we immediately assume what gender identity that person has, and we use the pronouns that – according to us – fit best with that assumed identity. If we read someone as a man, we say 'he' and 'his'; if we read someone as a woman, we say 'she' and 'hers'.

In letters, emails and contacts, the title of the contact that matches their sex at birth is used all too often. In telephone conversations, people often ask for ‘mister’ or ‘misses’. For many people, this is an established fact of life that we don’t need to pay any further attention to. We therefore unconsciously divide society into only two possibilities by the very language we use: man or woman.

People with a same-sex partner often receive automatic correspondence with 'Mr and Mrs'. This also reflects the hetero- and gender norms that are ingrained in our language.

But reality is obviously more complicated than that.

Breaking through the binary

People with a non-binary gender identity often have to resign to this and feel obliged to 'choose' male or female pronouns. This is very uncomfortable for them. They are actually made linguistically invisible, which only reinforces their invisibility in society.

If you are always written to with ‘Mister’ while feeling like a ‘Misses’, like both ‘Mr.’ and ‘Ms.’, or like neither at all, you continue to have the all-too-common gender binary in our society rubbed in your face.

It is important to interpret the concept of gender broadly and to recognise that gender is a spectrum that encompasses more than the binary 'male-female division'.

In addition, it is also necessary to address gender stereotypes (i.e. gender norms and their related expectations) that prevent some individuals from being themselves. The language we use influences attitudes, behaviour, and perception. The use of gender-inclusive language automatically takes gender and sexual diversity into account. Individuals, organisations and companies that use gender-inclusive language thus actively contribute to a more inclusive society.

By making your use of language more inclusive, LGBTI+ people feel more socially recognised and accepted. In this way, the use of language can support people's emancipation.

They/them/theirs

Pronouns are words that refer to something or someone. To refer to men one uses he/him/his, for women there is she/her/hers. A gender-neutral option to refer to people who don't use male or female pronouns is they/them/theirs.

In Dutch, ‘die/hen/hun’ is used when referring to someone who prefers gender-neutral pronouns. As in English, many people with a non-binary gender identity today prefer the pronouns 'die/hun' in Dutch. This indicates that someone's gender identity is not known or is non-binary.